Like many schools my kid’s school gets into the world book day every year. It usually involves a letter home a few weeks before saying the kids can come to school dressed as their favourite story book characters. There is another way of telling when the dawning of world book day is near as you suddenly start to notice an abundance of ‘dressing up’ outfits in the supermarkets and shops. Not just you average fairy/pirate and fireman characters that serve our pre-schoolers so well. But more elaborate …little red riding hood (with sown in wolf), dorothy with red shoes and a small handbag sized toto and an army of Pixar and Disney characters.
It is perhaps obvious that the retailers are not going to be slow to cash in on the nation’s primary school parents being given a dressing up challenge such as this every year. There are many parents who have the incredible and enviable skills of being able of make and create an outift. But there are also those (including me) who dont have the time or the aptitude to produce such creations, particularly x 3.
We have another, more personal issue when it comes to world book day. Every year my oldest, who is now 10, has a real problem with going to school dressed up as anything other than himself! I dont know what it is about him, he has always been like it, even as a toddler he would very rarely wear any kind of dressing up clothes. He, i think, finds the whole thing totally stressful and maybe its his very scientific, pragmatic mind that can’t cope with people pretending to be something they aren’t. I dont know.
This year, it was much worse. He stressed about it, got upset, refused our suggestions to ‘just go as himself and take his favourite book’ which i thought was perhaps a far better idea of actually celebrating reading and books than spending £15 and lining the already deep pockets of Disney. But he said he would be laughed at and that his teacher told him he HAD to get dressed up! After going round and round the subject for hours and hours the night before and him begging us not to send him to school. I decided that we wouldn’t. Which i realise might not be a decision that a lot of people would agree with but my son was distressed, he felt backed into a corner and was willing us to rescue him so I did just that.
I dont know if its the right lesson to teach him. Im not sure. It tough being a kid and this issue is so very personal to him that it felt wrong to force him to dress up for what is essentially a non-curriculum, fun day for the kids which was clearly going to cause my boy a LOT of stress. He is in fact an avid reader…has a reading age far above his own but…dressing up…its like his kryptonite. Im guessing we are not looking at a career on the stage for him 😉
Was it the right thing to do?
i dont know.
what do you think?
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I say well done you, Sarah! Dressing up should surely be an optional thing for kids who want to do it. No one should be pressurised into doing something they really don’t want to especially when it has no intrinsic value other than that it’s meant to be “fun”. It is sad that something that surely started off as a bit of fun has become this must-do event which puts unreasonable pressure on lots of people. (You’re not the only mum I know who dreads it!) I think you totally made the right decision by prioritising your son and his needs.
Personally I think you did the right thing for your child. But surely schools should be addressing these issues. My son went as a spook because that’s the book he’s reading. Because it wasn’t something “obvious” like Spiderman everyone laughed at him anyway – but that would be completely missing the point.
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Your son should not have been made to feel this way. If he wasn’t comfortable then why should he be made to dress up? What was wrong with his school uniform! He would have still been at school.
I do not blame you for not sending him in, the school sounds silly! What if a parent didn’t have enough money to buy there child a costume?
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I love that you rescued him. I bet he will remember that day a loooong time. My little one finds dressing up petrifying and anyone dressed up on tv or in real life……maybe I will be doing the same in years to come 😉
Big up the power of the parent I say…,.’stick it to the man’ team James !
I’d have kept him home. But I’m a home educator precisely because I don’t want to put my kids through this kind of thing.
I was going to comment before I realised this was a competition too. My son is exactly the same as yours. He doesnt like dressing up at all. He also has a very scientific mind, loves reading but much prefers factual books than fiction, in fact he is reading the springwatch book at the moment. Luckily for us he told his teacher that he didnt want to dress up and she explained that everyone else would be and he would feel left out but he was ok to go to school in his uniform if he wanted to.
Tonight he has come home upset about a school assembly, we will see how we can get around that one!
Im not sure what I would have done in your situation. I dont like to give my children the impression that if they dont want to do something its ok, I think I would feel that they may use excuses not to go to school. However I also dont like it when they are clearly upset about something at school.
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thanks cheryl, that was precisely my worry too i dont want him to think ‘ill get worked up in a state and then my parents will say i dont have to go!’ it was really tough and i still am wondering if i did the right thing..but i kept coming back to the fact that it was ‘dressing up!’ and i has asked him to speak to his teacher and say he didnt want to do it..which he had but was told that he had to join in..its a tough one all round.
We home educate too, but I would have kept him home as well. My kids get confused by the whole World Book Day thing; books are such an integral part of their lives that they don’t understand why there has to be a day for them!
P.s I tweeted but can’t get to a link on my phone xx
Found my way here from Jax at Making It Up. My ASD eldest son has always hated dressing up and always refused. However we always got round it by going in his own clothes and being Alex Rider or Horrid Henry or some other boy who wears normal clothes. He was happy with this idea but not all children will be so happy with a vague deception. I think that you did the right thing in not letting it become a big thing for him, not stressing him out. However I think it is worth, in the run up to future years, speaking to the teacher and laying it out just how upset he is by it. You will probably have to repeat it year on year with every teacher but your child probably wasn’t the only one who wasn’t keen and the teachers need to be aware.
I totally think you did the right thing. I have kept my son at home before when he was pretending to be ill to avoid school, not in a practical joker kind of way, but genuinely distressed about going in for a particular reason. As his mother, you know best…in your gut. Well done.
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I think you are absolutely right. World Book Day has become terribly competitive (and that’s just the parents!) The school I work in no longer does dressing up as it became a source of distress for lots of kids and irritation for the parents. The children bring their favourite books in or/and an item related to it if they like like a book show and tell.
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I think keeping him home was the right thing to do since he was so distressed. Next time maybe discuss it with his teacher in advance, they shouldn’t tell him he HAS to dress up and they should crack down on any teasing.
I don’t think it was a particularly wrong thing, and I don’t think you should be judged for it. You know your son best and you did what you thought right to protect him from undue stress. And I totally agree that the emphasis should be on the reading rather than dressing up and paying out on fancy dress.
I’m dreading my 2 getting to this age purely because of finding outfits, but it does sound like it’s become commercialised like Halloween and lost the point. Seems like reading books on world book day might be a tad more educational?
Oh and personally I agree with your decision, if he’s clearly that stressed about it doesn’t do him any good to be forced into going to school.
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oh oh oh totally forgot, love the dress your daughter has in that photo, can totally see Matilda spending hours twirling around in that 🙂
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I would have kept him at home too! My little boy also hates dressing up, and I find it a but ridiculous that this wasn’t an optional activity.
I also think it should be a fun voluntary thing, never forced upon any child or family. One year, my son really didn’t want to dress up, so he went as “Horrid Henry!” He basically just wore a blue jumper or whatever it is he wears! Everyone thought it was great. The following year he wore his normal clothes and said he read the book “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” and decided to go as the main character! Our school also has the PJ day but I find that a bit weird so always send him in his uniform!
I would have kept him at home if they forced him to wear a silly costume which made him really uncomfortable as that is not the aim of going to school.
Aww bless you. Tough situation. I would have done the same if he was so distressed about it though. Hopefully he wont have to do it again if he is going up the big school this year! Dont be so hard on yourself 🙁 xoxo
I would have let him stay home, after the situation had got that wound up.
I do think though by the time children get to KS2 age, the dressing up thing gets a bit redundant, and I do think that schools shouldn’t impose it. I have three boys is KS2 – twins aged nearly 8, and an older boy who is 10. The books that they chose all feature normal every day boys! So they went in their own clothes, armed with their books.
My youngest went as the boy from Gangster Granny, I did try to persuade him that dressing as the Granny would be FAR more fun, but he wasn’t having it!
I would have done the same thing.
I would have done the same as you, but I hated having to dress up as a child so perhaps I am biased.
I agree, I would have kept mine at home, I have done the same with my own in the past if things were distessing them that they couldn’t sleep etc.
A child should never be put in a stressful situation. World Book Day should be about encouraging a child’s love of reading so different fun activities and a range of new books should be offered, as well as freedom of choice.
My son is autistic and we have the same issues every year. He will dress up as a character, but only on his terms, so he chooses what he goes as, even if it is in his own clothes, with his favourite book, or in his own clothes as a character (eg: Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) I can sympathise, I really can!
my two little boys have autism and hate dressing up, so I wouldn’t force them into doing it. lots of kids anyway go as spiderman or other TV character, s which is very loosely based on books, so it seems to defeat the purpose of educating about books.
Its a real tough one this, obviously you don’t want to see your child distressed, at all, however, you don’t want to get into the habit of I don’t like it so I’m not going to do it behaviour. I hate to be the bone of contention, but I think I would have sent him in. I don’t dispute your decision for a minute though, and applaud the fact you didn’t want your child distressed. Schools shouldn’t force children to ‘dress up’ even if they think it’s a fun activity – it clearly isn’t fun for all.
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no no not at all thank you for commenting. I also feel like that which was why it was a hard decision but we have spoken to him about that and also the dislike of dressing up is a fairly long standing thing and so not an out of the blue i dont want to go to school thing. But still i do agree with your point 🙂
You did exactly what I would have done…I had the same issue with my oldest but he did go dressed as normal but ended up playing up at school (think he was trying to deflect the attention away from the fact he wasnt dressed up).
I would eat cake. It’s always a good time to eat cake!
I would have oerhaps spoken to his teacher to see if he could be a helper that day instead, if this failed then I would have kept him off school too x.
I work in a school and am never very comfortable with these events. As well as children disliking getting dressed up I think the competetive nature takes away from fun and disadvantages children whose parents do not have the money or time or both. I think the best response I have seen was from a parent who sent in her child with a photobook of himself and of course, he came dressed as himself. I think a large dressing up box in the classroom with lots of donated/ charity shop items is more fun, relaxing and ensures the children not the parents are being creative.
The dressing up bit should be optional – not every child wants to dress up. My 10 yr old daughter would feel too self conscious. If he was very upset I would have kept him off too, and made the school aware why.
I agree with most of the other posters – dressing up as a character should be optional…. In your sitution I would have done the same 🙂
I completely think you did the right thing – forcing a kid to dress up entirely misses the whole point of the exercise. I find those dressing up days stressful myself for goodness sake- the competition is fierce!
I agree and would have done the same! You made the right decision for you and your son that’s all that matters x.
You did the right thing – I would have done the same
I too would have kept my son at home but he has aspergers and lots of situations like this have always stressed him out and still do.
He never dresses up and just wears his uniform, he has red nose day friday and is not looking forward to it.
I have total sympathy for your son as I also HATE dressing up of any kind – I never go to fancy dress parties, it’s just not my thing. I’m just really glad they didn’t have anything like this when I was at school. Tough decision but I think I would have done the same.
I have total sympathy with you and your son. I don’t have quite such an extreme reaction, but my heart sinks if I ever get invited to a party and it’s a fancy dress one. I really really hate it and just don’t get any enjoyment. I think it was quite irresponsible of your son’s teacher to insist that everyone had to dress up. As you say, even if the children didn’t have the issues that your son has, there is also the cost aspect, especially in this financial climate. The children should be given the choice to either dress up or take in their favourite book. As long as World Book Day is acknowledged and children are encouraged to read then surely that should be good enough. In your situation I would also have kept my son at home, and I would be sending a letter to the school explaining my reasons and saying that you had been put in an impossible position due to their inflexibility.
Bucking the trend I would have sent him in, but had a quiet word beforehand with the teacher suggesting (as one other poster mentioned) that he could be a helper. I’m sure they would have agreed.
I agree with you, it should be optional either dress up or non uniform as another option. They should not be made to feel stressed.
I see nothing wrong with your desision! I do feel the school should have approached this a little better though making it clear that dressingup was optional maye then your son could have enjoyed the day minus the costume and felt relaxed about it.
I think you did the right thing. It would be unfair for him to go to school for the day and feel upset.
I’d do the same thing, sometimes home education is better for the child.
Well done for sticking to your guns. I probably would have done the same. I know that dressing up is fun for some kids, but I thought the whole point in having a school uniform was so that kids didn’t feel left out or excluded. These dress up things can be stressful for both kids and parents!
aww poor thing! Its hard to say what i would do, but probably would have done the same as you! My little boy doesn’t like dressing up much either. They had to go in their pyjama’s rather than dressing up, which was fine by me as it was easy and didn’t involve spending any money! However my little boy was still very embaressed and worried about it, but we got there in the end.
I wouldn’t worry about your son missing school that day, you are his mum and you know best!
I would probably have done the same if I was in your situation. I find these dressing-up days incredibly stressful as not all children want to dress up. In addition, if you don’t already have an outfit, the cost quickly mounts up – especially if you have more than one child. The only thing is, I would have written a letter to the school explaining the situation – don’t know if you did the same. I certainly wouldn’t lie and I would probably have made a point of visiting the local library/going to the bookstore or doing something similar to mark the occasion, so that your son spent the day appropriately.
I think you did the right thing by leaving him at home. There’s no point upsetting him and one day wont make much of a difference by not being at school.
I think only you know what is right for your child and if the day was only going to be fun and games then he is not missing anything.
I would do the same as you but also maybe inform the teacher of his apprehensions.
I think that I am in the minority but I am not sure that I would have kept my child home 🙂
We couldn’t find any character that my daughter could dress up as this year, and hadn’t had chance to go shopping. Her sister had the bright idea of her going as herself, because she’s got a personalised book! She just had to have her hair the same way, and wear a t and jeans.
I think I would speak to school, and say that it’s just too much to expect everyone to dress up. At our school there’s always a few who don’t dress up, I don’t know the reasons why, but no one makes a fuss of that
Personally I agree with what you did.
When I was younger, I was very much like your son; I loved reading and would have absolutely loved to celebrate World Book Day but I doubt I’d have wanted to dress up. I would have been worried, stressed and unsure what to do.
I have quite a relaxed view of being allowed to stay off school; I wish I hadn’t stayed off as many days as I did though.
But yes, I think you did the right thing in this situation. You saved your son from a lot of stress and worry. No 10 year old should have to feel any type of worry.
I agree with you, it should be optional either dress up or non uniform as another option. No child should be made to do something that they are uncomfortable with1
You did exactly the right thing in my eyes, well done
I think you did the right thing – dressing up should always be optional !!! sometimes the trauma (which your little one would have had if he’d have been made to do it ) can stick with us for a long time – you don’t want him linking that with reading and then he doesn’t want to read. – It is a tricky one as obviously you don’t want to get in the “I don’t like it so im not doing it rut “
I think you did do the right thing. Ultimately, you know your child best and if he was distressed about it, then it was probably best he stayed home rather than having a horrible day at school.
I too hated dressing up a a child and even now as an adult!
I would make him pick out the outfit that he feels really portrays himself, wear that with one of those name badge stickers that says “hello my name is….” leave the name blank and make the other kids guess
I definitely think you did the right thing! Supposed ‘fun’ should not be mandatory!!
I think you did the right thing. He was left to be himself and an individual, which is very important rather than just following what the masses do… Perhaps he could say he is dressed up as his doppelganger – that would impress them all, plus he could learn about a fascinating concept too!
I think you did the right thing. In some cases,pandering to a child who simply doesn’t want to do something doesn’t really teach them anything about the real world where we, as adults, have to do lots of things we’d rather not(like tidy up and go to work on a Monday!) but as an adult who hates fancy dress parties, wearing pink stetsons on hen nights or Comic Relief Day outfits, I’m with him all the way!
You did the right thing definitely! – it doesn’t hurt anyone but him if you’d done what was asked!
My son is similar, he is a bit keen and then bottles out at the last minute.
On Friday he carried a mask to school and really wasn’t sure about leaving the safety of his uniform.
I think go with what suits the child. I find the whole thing a bit of double edged sword – I am crap at making things but equally I don’t want to buy an ‘outfit’ as that seems a cop out. I guess I have several years ahead of me to get my head round it.
i would have let him stay at home too. not dressing up will not affect hime in his life ahead so why stress him out
I would probably have done the same if he really wouldn;t have gone in any outfit even somethign like Horrid henry which doesn;t include a costume as such. In my class some children opted out and wore their uniform and that was fine. It is their choice. Did you speak to his teacher about it?
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