We had been expecting this.

Things were not looking good. There was an anxiety in the air, a tension and just a little bit of palpable panic.

It was one of those days when you don’t go far, you stay and hover like moth attracted to the light.

Except this wasn’t light, it was dark.

It was a darkness that was threatening, rising on the horizon like a storm, blue clouds slowly turning black and joining together and moving faster.

It happened quickly…..as it often did.

Fast.

His heart rate drifted, colour quickly changing. movement silenced and still.

Smiles disappear from the parents faces as they glance from the monitors to his face to my face.

I move quickly but quietly, smiling reassurance, words hushed but firm.

‘i just need to get next to him if i can for a minute’

They move. So fast. pushing chairs back like they have suddenly been charged with electricity.

Jumping aside.

I check, listen, watch.

Suction.

Extra breaths.

Waiting…

Watching.

No change.

Quietly i say ‘I just need to get some help’

Reaching for the red button.

and Action!

Doors burst open. Quick words are exchanged. A plan begins.

Settings are altered and a tube is changed.

More breaths. Counting slowly and waiting…

watching.

exchanged glances over the bed. Quick words to the parents stood paralysed at the end of the bed. Do they hear us? Im not sure. Their eyes search mine for reassurance, pleading..

is he going to be okay?

We wait.

I say quietly in my head ‘ not today little man, please please not today’

Might have even been a prayer.

An eternity frozen in 30 seconds……

colour returned slowly

numbers began to rise. Heart rate picking up.

chest moving.

Panic is over. Fear has passed by on this 25th day.

This was not going to be that day for this family.

This was not going to be that day.