Firstly i have only just discovered that you do in fact have two different names..er…why?

Seems a but unfair if you ask me but anyway.

…Sarah.. lets talk…

Coats and general winter type attire…

Sticky subject i know. You like it, you like them all..you seem to like them a LOT. You seem to spend a LOT of time talking about coats, jumpers and gloves.

I dont understand this..why do you do it. Coats and jumpers are not interesting. They are not there for fun, they do not make things, squidge things or play things. They are not entertaining,  In anyway shape or form and yet you and i have long conversations about them everyday.

Well you talk, i rarely listen if the truth be told.

Sorry..but you know, you tell me not to lie.

When I am inside the house I see no need for extra layers. Feet are supposed to be bare. I sort of like the idea that i have bear feet.

heh heh.

It seems that the best thing i can do with my arms is not to stick them in a coat or jumper. There are far better things that i can do that require much less padding and cumbersome, getting in the wayness, of these coats!

Whats wrong with them? well ill tell you…

they have labels! WRONG! itchy, horrible tags of death. Why do they need them? i know my age and i don’t need to see those little symbols that have something to do with the white box you put clothes in dry and they come out wet. 

They are far far too padded. the reason i have elbows is so that i can bend my arms. If i wanted to play dress up as a scarecrow i would put the kitchen broom down my sleeves! 

They are too warm. No i am not like you, no i do not need a thousand layers and a blanket to keep myself warm. What is it with old people. Move around a little. 

They are not easily off and onable. This is a big one. Why should i want to spend half an hour getting into a jumper..when i know once i have chased the dog round for a few minutes im going to say im too hot and we have to start the whole circle again. 

Let me just say this..if i am cold i will ask for something warmer to wear. You can save yourself hours of trying to convince me im cold when im not and i can save myself hours of effort just fighting with you and refusing to put the coat on.

Sounds like a win win right? 

Love…

every single toddler that has ever been in the house. 

ps. Rest assured – that time when you have decided to finally let me make my own decision and not brought a coat and jumper with us when we go out…to..what ….try and make me learn is it? We both know how that backfires when i get cold and plead with you for warmth in front of those alpha-mums. 😉

the words that fell like droplets into the water, easy to say, but smashing through the soul and tearing us apart.

She’s gone.

This isn’t a tragedy. A tragedy is something in a film, or a book. A weepy novel that you stay up till 3am to finish sniffing away tears and dabbing at your eyes. Played out by actors who can hold the emotion for the seconds till the curtain falls and then smile and laugh at a job well done.

Not this. This is not that. This is real life…real and horrible and so very cruel. This has been the final curtain call. Robbing the world, a village, a family, a boy.

Stolen.

Injustice we cry. Its not fair we shout into the silence. Such a loss. Frantically trying to understand we fumble around in our awkwardness and blurt out platitudes and empty words when there are none to say.

Nothing at all.

But words, we have to speak, we have to try and make sense of it all. The sadness we all are wearing like over-sized winter coats, swamping us, crushing our chests so we can barely breathe.

Our hearts beat in the silence.

The children laugh.

Shielded from grief by the gift of their innocence.

For now.

We are holding on, white knuckles, gripping the side of the boat. The sea may be calm now but it will rise and fall like a great ocean, spitting out white jets of rage and pain. It will come for us all in different ways.

We have all lost.

Coming together again to say goodbye.  Leaving a trail of tears and travel  as we are drawn together to stand side by side like soldiers left behind.

Sadly united again.

We look to the skies and plead for answers as the great wheels of life roll on, clattering past with  stinging brutality. Like a hit and run driver. Leaving us devastated and broken by the side of the road. How can it go on?

Why does the world not stop when our hearts have?

But still it goes on….

We know, deep in our hearts, in the middle of despair, that it will happen. Life, even for us, will continue. The rawness of these days will dull a little maybe and breathing in and out every day will become less painful. It is there in the future….

A sunrise that might make us smile again, a joke that we might smile at. Warmth that might start to spread through our souls. Joy that might suddenly fill our hearts, surprising us. Reflecting, remembering, smiling.

But for now.

for now…

we are sad.